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I. Separating the People from the Problem

A. Soft mediation
B. Hard mediation
C. Principled mediation – an all-purpose strategy
D. Balance of power

II. Focus on Interests, Not Problems

A. Being nice is no answer
B. There is an alternative
C. Reaching gradual consensus and amicable agreements
D. Celebrating diversity

III. Options for Mutual Gain

A. Avoiding the single answer approach
B. Separate inventing from deciding
C. Brainstorming
D. After brainstorming
E. The circle chart for creating options
F. Investing in resolution

IV. Insist on an Objective criteria

A. What is fair
B. Setting standards
C. Meeting results

V. Yes, But …

A. What if they won’t play?
B. What if they power trip?
C. What if they don’t play fair?
D. Seeking solutions vs. problem solving

VI. Moving Ahead Instead of Backing Down

A. Looking for solutions vs. looking for problems
B. Responding instead of reacting
C. Making things better instead of worse

VII. How to Plan for Conflict Situations

A. Avoiding the trap of unresolved conflict
B. When emotions turn on – the brain shuts off
C. Listening for key words
D. Triggers for action vs. reaction

VIII. Choosing a Conflict Management Style

A. Assertive vs. aggressive
B. Practicing the give/get principle
C. Getting to “yes”
D. Measuring progress
E. A step-by-step approach
F. Putting your plan to work

IX. Seven Critical Mistakes to Avoid

A. Overcoming personal stumbling blocks
B. The four most common sources not recognized
C. What it is really all about
D. Avoiding sarcasm and hostility
E. Turning off tears
F. Asking positive questions

X. Responding to Anger in Others

A. Validating their anger
B. Don’t fan the flames
C. Avoiding defensiveness
D. De-escalate anger reaction
E. Avoiding the parrot syndrome

XI. Getting Positive Results from Conflict

A. Escaping self-blame
B. Don’t be the victim
C. Knowing you can’t please everyone
D. Breaking away from “I’m sorry”
E. Turning negative self-talk into positive affirmations
F. Getting out of the fight or flight mode
G. Building relationships through conflict

XII. Making it Work

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